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The New No. 2

The road to the future…

While the big changes coming to Disneyland remain unannounced and in the far future, its companion park California Adventure is in the midst of the greatest single overhaul ever of a Disney park. A number of unprecedented changes necessitated by the park’s disastrous initial design are underway, leading to the most “pardon our pixie dust” walls I’ve seen at one time since EPCOT circa 1999. So on our recent trip to Anaheim I was eager to see just what had changed since last year, and what alterations were currently underway.

Let’s start at the very beginning…

Perhaps the most noticeable change will be just inside the park’s turnstiles. In a truly unprecedented move, Disney will for the first time completely tear down and rebuild the entrance to one of their parks. The rather sparse area surrounded by the large tile “postcard” mural will be replaced by Buena Vista Street, themed to California of the 1920s. Work has barely begun in this area, as they had just started to demolish a section of the mural right before our visit.

And so the demolition begins…
…in the southwest corner of the plaza. Scenic, eh?

Passing under the soon-to-disappear ersatz Golden Gate, one enters Sunshine Plaza – the closest the park gets to a “hub”. Aside from some unfortunate store facades, the only other occupant of this area is the “Hubcap” – a stylized sun that was meant to be the park’s central icon. The sad thing is that while it might be a fairly neat piece of sculpture, it just doesn’t warrant a placement that necessitates comparisons to Cinderella Castle or Spaceship Earth. Perhaps it should relocate to Walt Disney World’s Grand Canyon Concourse? Anyway, the hubcap is on its way out, meaning that guests don’t have long to take in this impressive vista:

Hubalicious!

You can see the sun sculpture is now behind a pixie dust fence, and the stage for the upcoming “ElecTRONica” show now occupies the park’s central area. After the remodel is complete, this area will become a replica of Los Angeles’s long-lost Carthay Circle Theatre.

Sunshine Plaza today, and the future Carthay Circle Theatre

So say goodbye to the Hubcap…

If Paul Pressler had used less angel dust, we wouldn’t need so much pixie dust.

Meanwhile, the Sunshine Plaza prepares for ElecTRONica, which debuts October 8th.

The bar code thing actually worked, which was pretty cool. Kudos to whomever thought of that…
The Master Control Program would not approve of freelance raving on our plywood stage!
The flats on the stage appear to rotate; on their reverse sides are game cabinets from Flynn’s Arcade

Meanwhile, turning to the left, we see the soon to be renamed Hollywood Pictures Backlot – which will get its own bizarre ElecTRONica overlay.

Hollywood Pictures Backlot entrance with ElecTRONica concept art

Aside from the (hopefully) brief weirdness of ElecTRONica, the Hollywood Pictures Backlot will eventually lose its “backlot” status as it’s rethemed to the real Hollywood of the 1930s and 40s. And, hopefully, its entrance will become a little more… inviting?

What the?!

The rethemeing also – hopefully – means that there will be less of this:

Just….. no.

Key to this rehabilitation is the addition of a Red Car Trolley that will travel from the park’s entrance through Hollywood to the Tower of Terror. This will bring a nice sense of motion and activity to the area, as well as providing the park’s first transportation system.

Red Car Trolley and a Wig Wag!

Designed by Imagineer George McGinnis, based on a similar concept originally developed for Sunset Boulevard at the Disney-MGM Studios in Florida, the Red Cars will provide a much-missed Disney touch to the park’s sparse offerings.

Newly-laid trolley tracks and brickwork line the future path of the Red Car Trolley

There’s quite a bit of remodeling being done at the end of the road; the path to the Hyperion Theater and Tower of Terror is blocked. Eventually the Hyperion will receive an actual facade instead of the fake streetscape it’s cloaked in today.

A number of signs decorate the wall where the Red Car track is being installed

Note the line on the “Coming Soon” sign about additional lines and service connecting locally at the Hollywood Tower Hotel – perhaps additional transportation is being planned for Carsland or, hopefully, the Pacific Wharf area and Paradise Pier? That would be a nice surprise.

As an image in the park’s “Blue Sky Cellar” preview center shows, the Trolleys have also been considered as the site of a live show reminiscent of Newsies. Now, I don’t love ragging on individual pieces of art, because heaven knows who might come across this page and I don’t want to rip on any Imagineer’s art when I can’t draw worth a darn myself. But… seriously. This has to be one of the most bizarre and terrifying renderings ever created by Imagineering:

WHAT?!

I mean… what?!

IT’S EVIL!!

Absolutely terrifying. The very essence of WTF?

On a happier note, one of the park’s biggest eyesores will soon be headed for the scrapyard. The Maliboomer, one of California Adventure’s most Six Flags-y attractions, has closed for its long-hoped-for demolition. The blight of the Maliboomer can easily be seen from the outside of the park:

For years, kids hoped to be the first in their family to spot the Matterhorn from the freeway as they approached Disneyland. Nowadays they try to be the last to see the Maliboomer.

Inside the park, one can easily see that the attraction is being dismantled.

Now we know why Mickey is smiling…

Meanwhile, a bunch of unfortunate shops and eateries will soon be replaced by Paradise Gardens and its two new restaurants. The Mulholland Madness wild mouse coaster will get a few years reprieve with a minor facelift that will turn it into “Goofy’s Sky School”.

The Paradise Gardens area, with renderings of pizza ovens at one of the new restaurants and a scene from Goofy’s Sky School
New facades will bring a more period-appropriate look

Then, there’s The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Undersea Adventure. Located on the former site of Golden Dreams, the new show building is well underway.

Nice try…
Coming 2011!
Tonight, on Non Sequitur Theatre…

Showing the problems inherent in California Adventure, this 19th century Danish fairy tale will exit through a replica of San Francisco’s Palace of Fine Arts. Because, you know, California.

California, right?

Inside the Blue Sky Cellar is a diagram of the attraction, which will be cloned in Florida’s Magic Kingdom. If you’ve been wondering what awaits you in the Fantasyland expansion, this is it:

There’s even a model!

Meanwhile, the final addition of the California Adventure remodel’s Phase I is Carsland, which will arrive in 2012. Already, loads of massive rockwork is under construction to re-create the film’s setting (not California, by the way). It’ll be interesting to see how well the rock walls mesh with sightlines from the rest of the park:

To your right, you’ll see rice growing in rocky terraces…

The former Bountiful Valley Farm has finally given up the ghost to make way for a different kind of ‘Mater.

From John Deere petting zoo to franchise opportunity in just ten years…

And there are lots – lots – of signs promoting the upcoming expansion.

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign…

So that’s what’s up at California Adventure. Can this little park be saved? And what of phase two? Can California Adventure succeed without the draw of Superstar Limo? Only time will tell…

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Leavin’ On A Jet Plane

The top-secret donut repository of Progress City, U.S.A.

In just a few short hours, Team Progress will be winging our way to scenic Southern California and the former orange groves of Anaheim. The destination? Destination D, the latest D23 joint, as well as a number of other tasks both recreational a research-related.

When Beacon Joe and I aren’t raiding our top-secret donut distributor, we’ll be enjoying the Enchanted Tiki Room the way it was meant to be – under old management and with a garden of Tikis – as well as exploring a truly fantastic Fantasyland. Practically perfect Pirates and magnificent Monte Cristos are also on the docket, along with whipped Doles and bustling rivers of America. And yes, there will be mockery – some in Tomorrowland, but mostly reserved for a barnstorming tour of California Adventure.

In between times, we’ll be talking to some interesting folks and getting the wheels moving on some interesting projects. It’s been quiet around here lately, I know, but hopefully that will cease when I return.

For those who want to follow our exploits on a second-by-second basis, feel free to follow PCUSA on Twitter. And if you want to get us into Club 33 – which would only be fair, seeing as it’s the only chance I’ll get to be there while I’m 33 – just email. Hey, I can try, right?

And away we go…

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My Favorite Topic

Been meaning to mention…

George at Imaginerding posted a thing the other week. It’s about me rambling on at length! And yet, I still wish I’d rambled on more…

Thanks to George for giving me the opportunity…

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BLAM!

During my brief blogging hiatus, I was introduced to a concept that had heretofore flown below my radar. The issue came to my notice thanks to a tweet by the great Frank “TV’s Frank” Conniff, but I soon discovered via Twitter that many other Disney fans were well aware of the phenomenon in question. It truly shocks me that this had been allowed to go on so long without some sort of public notification process, or perhaps a class action lawsuit.

What am I talking about? I’m talking about BLAM!

If you have not yet accepted BLAM! into your life, take a moment and watch this. I only wish that I were there, wherever you are, to watch you face.

Take a moment, and collect your jaw from the floor.

I’m not a violent person, and to my recollection I’ve never been in a fight. Yet watching this left me with a distinct desire to punch something or someone. Of course, its unfathomable badness was also hilarious, in that it is so beyond any possible level of self-parody that its mere existence becomes unfathomable. And so I found myself in the rare situation of laughing hysterically while also wanting to beat someone senseless. BLAM!

How can this exist? I mean, I know the Disney Channel is a cesspool of unwatchable nonsense anymore, but… this? It’s so insanely over-the-top that I would have never believed it real; it really felt like one of the “SNL Digital Shorts” from Saturday Night Live. Not only does it not seem like something targeted at kids, but it seems like something made by adults for adults to mock children’s programming. In fact, I’m not certain that it isn’t. Is its total insanity on purpose – a self-aware awfulness?

BLAM! isn’t the first time that the classic Disney shorts have been re-purposed. It was done, with some skill, by legendary animator Ward Kimball in his 1970s television series The Mouse Factory:

It was done again in the 1980s, with the somewhat cheesy but occasionally amusing DTV shorts on the Disney Channel:

But nothing – nothing – could have prepared us for BLAM! The Disney Channel seems to have become anathema to any Disney fan over the age of 10, so perhaps it’s no surprise that people I speak to regularly weren’t exactly talking up BLAM! And it’s been years since I’ve watched the channel, which I used to do daily, so I certainly haven’t seen it. But apparently BLAM! and this “Disney Have A Laugh” business are actually a “thing”, with DVDs even coming out soon.

My question: would it kill them to have one hour a day – say, 3AM to 4AM – where they show some real unsullied Disney programming? Just something for us old people?

If you have a little bit of your soul that didn’t die after that first BLAM!, here are some more:

Of course, when something ventures into the realm of self-parody, it’s really difficult to effectively parody it intentionally. This fact was underlined when someone created a BLAM! parody so perfect, so spot-on, that it actually fooled a lot of people into thinking that it was real. I would love to ask a Disney Channel executive what they think it means that so many people in a discussion at Cartoon Brew didn’t even question that the channel would produce something this callous:

This is funny on so many levels. First, it’s a masterfully produced and impeccably executed imitation of authentic BLAM! Second, its jokes, while satirical, are still funnier than TruBLAM! Third, as I said, despite the fact that it’s so over-the-top, the Disney Channel is so awful these days that people thought it was actually real.

Kudos to whomever was responsible.

I’m only sad that no one has yet to take up my challenge and BLAM! Education for Death. Someday…

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Listen, Won’t You?

Martin Smith has posted his latest his latest magnum opus, an epic three-part history of The Land at EPCOT. Starting with the pavilion’s creation, it covers in detail the wonderful original 1982 lineup, the mixed bag 1994 remodel, and the truly unfortunate 2005 facelift. Pop some popcorn and settle in!

Part I – 1982

This segment covers the creation and construction of the pavilion, as well as Listen to the Land, Kitchen Kabaret, Symbiosis and The Good Turn restaurant.

Part II – 1994

The pavilion’s first remodel changed the boat ride to Living With the Land and added Food Rocks (ugh) and Circle of Life.

Part III – 2005

A third remodel stripped the pavilion of much of its charm; the intent was to evoke the feeling of an airport terminal, although one wonders if they could find a less friendly environment from which to draw inspiration. A super-max prison? A petrochemical warehouse? Anyway, 2005 also brought Soarin’ to The Land, located where Bonnie Appetit once sang the benefits of good nutrition.

There was an amusing conversation on the Progress City Twitter stream as I watched this – people have fond memories of those old attractions! Free Bonnie Appetit!

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