I considered many titles for this article.

The typically punny things, naturally – things like “Why We Deride” and things like that. But I think it’s important to underline the fact that this is the strangest thing I’ve ever seen at Walt Disney World. That might be quite the buildup, as I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but this one left me standing in the street, mouth agape, and laughing maniacally. It’s just so strange.

It’s well documented that I have a bone to pick with the Studios Formerly Known As Disney-MGM. Not only is it generally bursting to the seams with fail…

"What was that you were saying about visual contradictions, Mr. Hench?"

…But among all the Florida parks it has fallen furthest from its potential for greatness (Yes, yes, I know current Future World might qualify for that dubious honor, but at least it used to be brilliant and EPCOT still has Showcase). I’ve always been enthralled by the classic era of Hollywood filmmaking, as well as the iconic look of that period’s architecture and design. Studios should be a slam dunk, with such rich material to draw on; it also gives designers leeway to explore themes and periods that are absorbing but wouldn’t fit in a Kingdom-class park. The western frontier and tropical jungle were dangerous places that Disneyland distilled and made safe and accessible; to modern audiences the mean streets of Los Angeles and New York City might seem equally threatening but they’re just as full of rich iconography and deeply-ingrained lore to exploit in a theme park environment. Studio whiffs on that potential and lacks a clear vision or purpose.

But that’s all beside the point. While my subject here might possibly be used to illustrate the unfocused and sub-par aspects of the Studios, it’s just so incredibly bizarre and random that it transcends lack of theming (or veneer-thin theming) and poor spatial layout. It’s so absurdist it almost becomes art in and of itself; there’s simply no reason why this existed. The fact that it did exist means that somewhere there’s a story that I desperately want to know.

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