Progress City, U.S.A.

On a recent trip to Walt Disney World, I stopped at this “dig site” directly outside of the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular.  I had not been to Disney’s HOLLYWOOD Studios the past several trips out of general malaise, and I wanted to see if the rope still worked.

In case this sight isn’t familiar to you, when you tug on this rope, an “explorer” answers you from the bottom of the hole with generally wacky sounds – and quite a few on continuous tugs.   As I was doing this a group of three men who were walking towards Echo Lake took a swift detour and played with the rope for a few minutes, laughing at the attention to detail in an area that otherwise would have been a floral arrangement of some sort.  In modern imaginationspeak this would be called “plussing” or “story,” but I always think of these things as what Walt referred to in his storyboarding sessions as “gags” or “bits of business.”  These are little details here and there around Walt Disney World that aren’t part of certain attractions (or if they are, not part of the ride itself) that add to the atmosphere, or (shudder) the story and setting.

Below I’ve divided some of my favorite bits of business in certain catergories – some extinct and some still there – but I welcome your additions – this is in no way a comprehensive list.

EXTENDING THE RIDE

These few bits of business extend the ride after you’re let out of the show.  The two that quickly come to mind are the tikis outside of the Tropical Serenade in the Sunshine Terrace, mirroring the tikis you’ve just seen on the walls of the Tiki Room itself.

The second is perhaps one of my favorite bits of business of all time, and unfortunately is no longer with us.  At the unload of Country Bear Jamboree/entrance to Mile Long Bar, matching heads of Buff, Max, and Melvin lined the walls, just as in the Jamboree.  They would remain still for some time, and then come to life suddenly with schtick and a song that mirrored the unload song of the Jamboree.  “Come Again” became “Come On In”.   I hope someday someone thinks of bringing these guys back.  If you weren’t lucky enough to see it before the demise of the Mile Long Bar, check out these two videos.

QUASI INTERACTIVE BITS

These couple of gags are able to be triggered by passersby, but always do a regular routine – even though these two instances have several different sounds that can be triggered.   The first is the rope pictured above outside the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular.  The second is the water fountains in Future World at Epcot Center.   I am not sure if these still exist (do they?), but not long ago they were around the Innoventions area outdoors.  When you would drink from the fountains, much like the Indy rope, a wacky persona would reply from the bottom of the fountain.

I suppose the Sword In The Stone in front of the carousel in Fantasyland could also go in this catergory.

SOUNDS AND SMELLS

There are too many of these to mention (though I welcome your contribution).  A few of my favorites are on Main Street, USA in the Magic Kingdom.  On the one half of Center Street that survives, there’s a window offering Piano and Voice Lessons.  Sit underneath that window and listen to the lessons go on.   Not far from there at the Main Street Bakery, the smells are almost too good to be true -  that’s because they’re artificially made in a contraption vaguely resembling a scuba suit in the utilidoors downstairs and pumped above onto the street to lure hungry passersby.

In Adventureland, the cannons on the fort above the Pirates of the Carribean shoot off periodically.

Over in Frontierland at the Train Station, as you pass by the office en route to the platform, you hear a telegraph ticking within.  It just happens to be spelling out Walt Disney’s speech on Opening Day at Disneyland.

INTRODUCING THE RIDE

These two don’t completely count, because they’re actually in queues for attractions, but I thought I’d include them anyway because they actually weren’t on the ride itself.  The first is Brer Frog’s shadow in the queue for Splash Mountain.   It’s an artsy little detail that sets up the ride itself.  Seeing Brer Frog on the shadow of the cave gently rocking in front of a fire, beginning to tell the story of Brer Rabbit, Brer Bear, and Brer Fox is matched as soon as you get on the ride by seeing Brer Fox himself.   The second is the relatively recent addition of Madame Leota’s grave directly outside the Haunted Mansion.

… Leota of course appears later in the crystal ball seance – hence “having a ball” and “regions beyond.“

STRANGE BACKSTORIES

In this era of “story” in the Imagineering department, a lot are half baked.  Gran Fiesta Tour comes to mind (replacing my beloved El Rio de Tiempo – hardly any story there).  Regardless, sometimes you come across actual good story lying around – even if it’s strange and perhaps doesn’t make any sense.

This is what remains of one of my favorite and most random landmarks on Property – the Lawnmower Tree of Fort Wilderness.  In what is most certainly a relic of previous ownership, Disney kept this tree that grew around an old hand powered blade lawnmower.   Unfortunately, the tree died so they had to chop it…. but I suppose it was fortunate because it was getting harder and harder to see the lawnmower remnant at the base of the trunk.  As you can see, there’s a sign beside it – it reads ” Too long did Billy Bowlegs park his slow mower – Alas, one warm and sunny day aside a real fast grower.”  Extra points here for the poetry involved.   This is just a gag – and a nice attention to detail…. oh yes and totally random.  If you haven’t seen it, the Lawnmower Tree is on the path off the landing for the motor launch en route to Pioneer Hall (it’s on the right).

The other story I particularly like is the legend of Pleasure Island, and how that relates to another area of WDW – Typhoon Lagoon.  I can’t even go into the tremendous amount of detail involved in Pleasure Island’s backstory – suffice it to say there were plaques on every building – but Wade’s Wayback Machine has a great retelling of it here. The part I really like about the legends of both areas is they’re connected.   The same hurricane that destroyed the Placid Palms Resort and placed Miss Tilly on Mount Mayday also lead Pleasure Island to ruin once and for all before the Disney Imagineers “rediscovered” it.  Varying reports have that hurricane named Connie and Charlotte, so I can’t be exactly sure how the legend goes.

BARKERS

A little more obvious, but I love these guys.  There used to be two barker birds (called barkers as in barkers on a midway yelling for folks to come see certain attractions) in Adventureland – one for Pirates of the Carribean and one for Tropical Serenade.  These were audio animatronics outside of the attractions who would talk up their attractions (the Tiki Room’s was voiced by longtime Golden Horseshoe star Wally Boag).   Often the birds would crack wise and be wacky, and obviously drew attention to their respective attractions.  For some reason unknown to me, both disappeared  with their respective updates – I don’t even want to go into the Tiki Room redo at this point.   At least the Pirates barker bird survives in the burning town (above the bridge), but I would love an explanation on why they went away.

A nod of the cap has been made to these two recently in the incredibly sophisticated Mr. Potato Head Barker at Toy Story Mania.  Although it makes more sense at California Adventure, where he’s on a Midway and actually outside the attraction,  he’s a very impressive and whimsical site even inside the queue at DHS.

LOST SPECIAL EFFECTS

These were bits of business that were some of my favorite, or if I wasn’t around to see them – I truly wish I had been.  Sometimes Imagineers created amazing effects that had to be left along the way.  Among some of my favorites -

The wave machine at the Polynesian Village Resort  – when the resort opened, it was intended to have surfable waves.  Unfortunately, there quickly became a considerable erosion problem, along with problems in the machine.  It was abandonned and became a reef for the fish in the Seven Seas Lagoon.   I can’t imagine being around the Polynesian at night with actual waves hitting the beach!

Asundry effects on Expedition Everest – The Yeti is broken, but also missing now is the bird and snow at the top of the mountain and the steam that once rose from the trains as they left the station.

The Sunshine Tree and Orange Bird – I know this is the third time this article I’ve mentioned the Sunshine Tree Terrace or the Tropical Serenade, but when the pavilion was sponsored by Florida Citrus, there was an actual faux tree growing in the Sunshine Tree Terrace – which had an effect from projectors to make it appear as if it were blowing gently in the breeze.  In addition, their mascot the Orange Bird could be spotted in the tree – with his thoughts projected in a thought bubble behind his head.  Amazing!  Pictures and more vivid description can be seen on Widen Your World.

These are just some of the bits of business lying around – most without reason to be there save to enhance the experience and add depth.   I had thought for a long time that this was a dying breed in the era of cookiecutter attractions and major marketing for major attractions, but the Kim Possible scavenger hunt in World Showcase has renewed my faith for more of this to come.  A completely interactive experience, you can toggle seemingly inanimate objects…. and in the spirit of good fun I won’t spoil much – but steins sing, parrots talk (again), viking flags are raised – and this little guy dances for you!

It was definitely one of the highlights of my last trip to WDW, and I hope more nuance and subtle detail is on the way from Walt Disney Imagineering.

What are your favorite bits o’ business?

More links and tidbits for your weekend perusal:

Ryan at the Main Street Gazette bids farewell to Pocahontas and her Forest Friends, which ended its ten-year run at Animal Kingdom last month. The show, tucked away into a small theater on the park’s periphery, was never a blockbuster attraction, but it had a decidedly low-fi charm and its personal scale allowed guests – especially kids – to get close to the action. I won’t pretend the show was ever on my must-do list, but it had a nice ecological message for young people and, as both linked articles mention, it provided a nice showcase for its single, multi-talented female lead.

Disney remains mum on future plans for the area, but some sources say that the site will be used as part of an upcoming E-ticket expansion for Animal Kingdom. All recent rumors have centered around a Jules Verne-themed attraction much like those in Tokyo’s DisneySea park, but I have yet to hear an explanation as to how this new area could possibly be reconciled with the theme of Camp Minnie-Mickey, or if that entire area would be altered. Several sources have said that dirt would begin moving on this expansion next year, although that information came before the recent economic collapse. In any case, Animal Kingdom can’t afford to lose any guest capacity, even if it is just a small show, so one would think the logical explanation for this closure is that Disney has some plans for expansion.

While you’re on Main Street, check out this neat little detail that I had never heard of from Universe of Energy.

Alain Littaye has a nice collection of photos and artwork from California Adventure’s Blue Sky Cellar, which opens to the public on Monday. Note that many of these models are from Imagineering’s original pitch for the park’s makeover, and do not necessarily represent what will finally emerge as the finished product.

To coincide with Disney’s recent re-release of Sleeping Beauty on home video, here are some excellent character development sketches from Michael Sporn’s blog. The scans include art from Tom Oreb, Bill Peet, Ward Kimball, Frank Thomas and Ollie Johnston. Some preview videos of the DVD’s extras are viewable here.

While we’re on Sleeping Beauty, the L.A. Times has an interview with Tony Baxer about the history and renovation of the soon-to-reopen Sleeping Beauty Castle Walkthrough, as well as a detailed scene-by-scene breakdown of the new show scenes.

FREAKOUT!

Game designer Warren Spector is working on a new videogame project in cooperation with Pixar and Walt Disney Feature Animation. Disney Interactive purchased Spector’s Junction Point Studios last year, which I somehow missed, and which is notable if also very unexpected. Spector is a legend of computer game design, developing several historically significant titles such as Ultima Underworld I & II (1992/93), System Shock (1994) and Thief: The Dark Project (1998). His Deus Ex (2000) remains one of my top-ranked games of all time. The purchase of Spector’s studio indicates that Disney is getting serious about entering the interactive market and I look forward to seeing what they come up with.

Warren Spector, designer of distinction

The Adventurer’s Club might have closed last month, but it’s still not too late to voice your displeasure to the powers that be.

More from the fancy writin’ department: Passport to Dreams Old & New brings us a comparison of Warner Brothers’ A Midsummer Night’s Dream from 1935, Fantasia, and Michael Powell’s 1949 The Tales of Hoffman. And someday I’ll write something as cool as this musical history of the Country Bear Jamboree. Meanwhile, EPCOT Central gives this excellent breakdown of the unfortunate loss of EPCOT’s unifying theme. The true shame of this is how relevant EPCOT’s original message still is to the world and how easily its many problems could be fixed if anyone in management had the courage and commitment to think it through.

Finally, a bit of late-breaking good news – on Tuesday, Disneyland Paris will announce that the resort has made a profit for the first time in five years. This is good news for European park fans, as it proves to management the rather obvious fact that adding new attractions will drive attendance. The resort had once been headed for profitability after a rocky first decade, but the opening of the shamefully executed Disney Studios Paris left it once more in the red. An emergency infusion of cash from the Walt Disney Company allowed the resort’s French parent company to add some attractions to the Studios and – surprise! – people actually started to visit the new park. Now that the resort is in the black look for more new attractions, including a Ratatouille-based trackless dark ride and a trio of Toy Story themed kiddie attractions. There might even be a new E-ticket for the long-stagnant Disneyland park itself. All in all, it’s great to see EuroDisney turn things around.

Magic Kingdom

We’ve mentioned already several of the rumors regarding the next few years as Disney ramps up for the Magic Kingdom’s 40th anniversary in 2011. If planning continues along current lines, and management steps up with sufficient funding, the park will finally receive a series of refurbishments that will begin to restore it to its long-lost lustre.

First on our slate are the projects that have been confirmed by Disney – refurbishments of the Country Bear Jamboree and the Hall of Presidents. The Jamboree will go dark this fall for a month in order to upgrade the animatronics and give the entire show a well-deserved technical polish. The Hall of Presidents closure, which also begins this fall, will extend well into next year and result in more sweeping changes. While still unconfirmed by Disney, multiple online and personal sources agree that the rehab will not only result in the addition of a new animatronic Commander-in-Chief but also the installation of an entirely new show. The new show won’t feature a speaking role for the current president, but might possibly add a speech from another prominent founding father.

The next tier of projects are those that I feel will definitely appear in the parks barring any disastrous economic situation or major shift in management. These attractions have been confirmed by multiple sources and are generally agreed to be “in the pipeline.” While we know that even solid plans can change, I would wager that we eventually see these projects come to light.

The first of the projects pending announcement is a rehab of the Carousel of Progress. Much like the looming upgrades to the two previously mentioned shows, this rehab would bring new animatronics to the venerable Carousel theatre as well as providing a much-needed modernization of the final scene (no more laserdiscs for you, Grandpa!).

Next door to the Carousel, an extended and long-in-the-making refurbishment will be coming to Space Mountain. After a series of structural issues several years ago, Disneyland’s version of Space Mountain underwent a complete track rebuild. The new track, while retaining the original ride’s layout, provided a much smoother and safer ride experience while allowing the addition of new cars with ride-synced musical tracks. It’s long been known that WDI was working to bring these same changes to Florida, but lethargic and tight-fisted Magic Kingdom management have stymied the plans so far. Still, it appears that the rehab will actually happen next year, with a closing date of January 9, 2009, being bandied about by informed sources. Work has already begun in part – Martin Smith has posted pictures showing that marks have been spray-painted onto the track to tell demolition crews where to cut. The scope and length of the rehab still depend on management, who would rather have a short rehab period than a suitable refurbishment, and we might wind up with only rebuilt lift hills instead of an entirely restored attraction.

Across the park in Adventureland, look for The Enchanted Tiki Room – Under New Management to go the way of the dodo. As we’ve mentioned, it’s extremely likely that a new show will be installed here featuring Lilo and Stitch. Some of the concerns I had voiced here were in part answered by a post on WDWMagic.

“Our version would be far more connected to our previous versions with songs from the original (and jokes at the expense of Iago and Zazu) as well as some Elvis added in there. The show would be a little longer, with a little less telling of what is happening and more singing. And yes, the Tiki Tiki Tiki Room song will start the show off as always.”

The final attraction that seems a lock for the Magic Kingdom is a new Fantasyland dark ride based on The Little Mermaid. The ride, originally intended for EuroDisney and then slated for the Magic Kingdom in the 1990’s, has been redesigned from the ground up for installation at California Adventure by 2011. Knowing Disney parks chief Jay Rasulo’s love of cloning attractions, fans quickly began to suspect that the new E-ticket would be bound for Florida’s Magic Kingdom as well. The story has gained credibility, and major rumor sites agree that The Little Mermaid is on its way to Orlando for the resort’s 40th anniversary.

Rendering of California Adventure’s planned Little Mermaid attraction

The last tier of rumors are those for which there is very little evidence. Of these, the most definite but also most nebulous concerns an upcoming rehab of Tomorrowland. Designed to right the wrongs of 1994’s unfinished remodel, the overhaul of Tomorrowland would bring the entire land under a unifying theme that would not end at Rockettower Plaza. We’ve mentioned rehabs for Space Mountain and the Carousel of Progress, but also look for something new to replace Stitch’s Great Escape when its namesake heads for Adventureland. I haven’t managed to find out what will happen to Monster’s Inc Laugh Floor, but it is my fervent and completely baseless hope that it would at the very least be moved to Hollywood Studios if not shuttered entirely. The new theme of the land remains unknown, but I sincerely hope that many messageboard mavens are incorrect in their assumption it will be based around Pixar’s WALL-E. I loved the film, but think that it has obvious and distinct incongruities with the supposed mission of Tomorrowland. Unlike many, I don’t have a problem with a somewhat fantastical look at the future, but WALL-E is no more suitable a model for Tomorrowland than Mad Max or Planet of the Apes.

Last on our list of possibilities for the Kingdom is a rehab of Fantasyland to bring it more in line with its more visually appealing Anaheim cousin. To accompany the Little Mermaid dark ride, Honor at Blue Sky Disney has suggested that plans are afoot for a rollercoaster-based attraction themed to the mine cars from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. He also predicts a new attraction based on Beauty and the Beast, although he doesn’t say if this will resemble the BATB show originally designed for EuroDisney.

EPCOT Center

Following a series of additions and changes, Disney has yet to confirm any upcoming attractions for EPCOT. One project, though, is continuing under the radar and without official mention. When Spaceship Earth re-opened late last year it was greeted with a wave of criticism for its lackluster touch-screen finale. The spectacular upgrades to the ride’s first half were often forgotten amongst complaints about the somewhat simplistic narration and anticlimactic descent. Disney and ride sponsor Siemens are well aware of the criticisms and the ride has undergone constant tweaking ever since. Without time to install a new finale before the ride was forced to open for 2007’s holiday season, Imagineering crews have been working third shift to slowly prepare the descent area for new and more engrossing show scenes that will finally give the attraction the finale it deserves.

EPCOT thankfully has several attractions that, although unannounced, seem certain to get the greenlight. The most obvious of these is a new film for Soarin’, which has been rumored since well before the attraction even debuted in Florida. LaughingPlace recently confirmed that the process of obtaining permits for the filming had begun.

Last year’s rumors about something being planned for the Japanese Showcase have burbled up again, emerging in some discussion on WDWMagic. While the old Mt. Fuji concept is definitely out, something has taken its place and it has to do with bullet trains. Old EPCOT fans might recall a concept from the mid-1970’s for the Japan pavilion which included a simulated trip aboard a bullet train, during which the train cars would be surrounded by a CircleVision travelogue of Japan. While this original concept is obviously far from what WDI is currently planning, I have strong reason to believe the new attraction at least has roots in this old design.

Concept for Japan pavilion bullet train attraction, circa 1974

The most anticipated of the upcoming EPCOT attractions is the fourth – and hopefully final – refurbishment of Journey into Imagination. Still trying to atone for the disaster of 1999’s Journey into YOUR Imagination, Imagineers have been putting together an elaborate plan to restore the pavilion to glory. While rumors of this restoration have been around for several years, it seems that we might finally see some movement on the project. As Martin Smith explained on WDWMagic, the process has been long for a reason:

Imag needs a rehab. Budget is a joke. WDI hold back. Imag still needs a rehab. Budget is a joke. Seas needs a rehab too. Seas budget is a joke. Seas borrows Imags refurb budget to supplement its own. Seas needs it. Seas is a success. Dark ride is a winner. Imag sees Seas (!) is a winner. Budget grows for Imag. WDI plus plans on the back of Seas and Mexico dark rides. WDI & Kodak know they need to get Imag v4 right. Imag budget grows some more. Ideas are moved around to make Imag ride v4 the best possible. Things finally fall into place.

While the final scope of the restoration has yet to be decided, it appears that the current designs range at least from “good” to “great” – Disney is putting some effort into this rehab and hopefully the Imagination pavilion will once more be a prime destination in Future World.

Easy pal – help is on the way

Beyond this, the future of EPCOT resides in the realm of speculation. It’s widely recognized that a replacement for Honey, I Shrunk the Audience is needed but plans for that are tied in with the mysteries surrounding the future of the Imagination pavilion as a whole. The former Wonders of Life pavilion has been gutted of its attractions, save for the Body Wars simulators that are still used for spare parts and – allegedly – as a testbed for Star Tours 2 testing. Yet this large, empty space is begging to be filled – it just remains to be seen what WDI will come up with to use it.

Hollywood Studios

The most sweeping changes over the next few years will likely come to this park as the Imagineers try to give it a coherent theme and look, while fleshing out its roster of attractions. As of now the only confirmed project for the Studios is the American Idol Experience which will open next year. Jim Hill recently reported that the opening date of the attraction had been pushed back into the Spring from its scheduled January debut.

Concept for the upcoming American Idol Experience

For those unenthused about American Idol, there is a roster of attractions that will follow on its heels. A prominent axis of expansion will be Pixar Place, which will first see a new rollercoaster based on Monsters, Inc. Reported widely, including at Blue Sky Disney and Jim Hill Media, the attraction will occupy a replica of the Monsters, Inc. headquarters located in its own “mini-land” of Monstropolis. This addition to the end of Pixar Place might possibly include another, smaller attraction. The Honey, I Shrunk the Kids playground adjacent to Pixar Place will be rethemed to a bug’s life. The Pixar Place expansions will result in the eventual closing of the Studio Tram Tour (by 2010, says Blue Sky Disney), and eventually Pixar Place will extend across the backlot all the way to World Drive. This expansion, whether a replica of California Adventure’s Carsland (please, no) or another idea entirely, will necessitate the demolition of Catastrophe Canyon.

The other most likely new candidate for Hollywood Studios is Star Tours 2 which, having been hinted at for at least a decade, now seems to be actually gathering real momentum.

There are other, vaguer possibilities for the Studios as well. The eventual scope of Pixar Place’s expansion is unknown, and there still exist real possibilities for another Indiana Jones-themed attraction near the Stunt Show and Star Tours. In addition, Blue Sky Disney has mentioned an upcoming update of the Great Movie Ride and, intriguingly, the possibility of a new E-Ticket “based on a very big film to combat Universal’s opening of Harry Potter.”

Animal Kingdom

Of the four parks, Animal Kingdom is the greatest cipher despite needing the most new attractions. Nothing has been announced concerning future additions, yet only recently did they close the Pocahontas animal show in Camp Minnie-Mickey. Still, it’s known that the park needs greater capacity and there’s still a great deal of unrealized potential in its concept.

Will Mount Prometheus rise at Animal Kingdom?

The most definite idea for Animal Kingdom alluded to recently by those in the know is an expansion based on stories and themes from the works of Jules Verne. This would occupy the niche of “fantastic creatures” once intended for the Beastly Kingdom expansion. Sources are vague, and I would suppose WDI’s plans are very fluid, but common hints allude to two attractions from Tokyo DisneySea’s Mysterious Island area – Journey to the Center of the Earth and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. While it would certainly be a kick to see Mount Prometheus rising from the Florida swamps, part of me would seriously lament the final death-blow to the Beastly Kingdom concept. It’s well known that a great deal of that land’s aesthetic was copied by former Imagineers for Islands of Adventure’s Lost Continent area, but as that segment of the Universal park is now being re-themed to the tales of Harry Potter it would be a great time to see the Dragon’s Tower rise as intended at Animal Kingdom.

Rendering for 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea at Tokyo DisneySea

The only other credible rumor for Animal Kingdom involves the moving of the Festival of the Lion King show from Camp Minnie-Mickey to Africa, as necessitated by the transformation of Camp Minnie-Mickey to a new themed area.

The Fifth Gate

This is where things get dicey. We’ve talked before about what was then rumored to be called “Disney’s Night Kingdom”, a premium-priced adventure experience. I still tend to think this will be more of a premium-priced add-on to Animal Kingdom rather than an official “fifth gate”, but it’s clear the concept persists.

Since the original story dropped, it appears that the concept has been significantly scaled down. Currently called either “Disney’s Animal Trek” (according to Blue Sky Disney) or “Disney’s Jungle Trek” (according to Jim Hill Media), the experience will now operate during the day and will offer less exclusive amenities while retaining the exclusive price tag. I’ve no idea what’s really up with this project, but it’s clear there’s some “there” there, regardless of its eventual scope.

Next stop, Anaheim…

That ol’ Rumor Mill is a funny thing. Long, long droughts can occur and it seems like nothing new will ever come over the transom. Then, all of a sudden, there’s a flash flood of new speculation to sift through. Such is the case now, as the rumors concerning Walt Disney World’s impending 40th anniversary celebration have reached the boiling point. There are a whole slew of possibilities being discussed at this point, but precious few details of any of the planned changes.

What is intriguing about this celebration is the fact that, unlike recent anniversaries or resort-wide marketing events, the focus is not entirely on new park additions but also includes several legacy attractions. This is similar to Disneyland’s 50th anniversary, which focused a great deal on the restoration and revitalization of several classic Disney attractions that had fallen into disrepair under the shameful mismanagement of Paul Pressler. It seems at this point that the Magic Kingdom will receive a bit of much-needed TLC to revive it from its own current state of decay; the not-so-benign neglect of current management has left Florida’s park a poor shadow of the refurbished Anaheim original.

Thankfully, we’ve already seen some improvements come to the Magic Kingdom. The Pirates of the Caribbean rehab which added Jack Sparrow actually improved the attraction, something which couldn’t be said for the Disneyland iteration. Last year the Haunted Mansion received a massive overhaul which not only fixed its rickety audio system but actually plussed the attraction beyond all expectation. We’ve also reported on the Country Bear Jamboree, which goes down for a critically needed rehab this fall. After that, though, things start to get speculative.

One thing we do know is that the Hall of Presidents will be closing on the first of November for an incredibly long rehab. Disney’s public refurbishment calendar is only available up to February, but reputable message board sources report that the rehab will actually extend until early next July. With the presidential election looming in November of 2008, it was expected that the attraction would eventually go dark in order to mercifully remove the animatronic of the current child-king from his speaking role and to add the animatronic of our new commander-in-chief. What is unexpected is the apparent length of the upcoming rehab and the scope of the changes it indicates.

Ulytheth Eth. Grant

There has been a lot of speculation recently that the new president, no matter who wins, would not receive a speaking role like the current inhabitant or Bill Clinton before him. This would reduce the risk of polarization in the current political climate, as well as avoiding uncomfortable undertones due to things like marital infidelities or being a war criminal with a 20% approval rating. The predominant rumor is that the focus of the show will return to Abraham Lincoln himself, and while no one yet knows what the tone of this new presentation will be, one hopes that it will resemble the scope of the original 1971 show rather than the slavery-centric storyline that was tacked on in 1993 to appease historians critical of Disney’s efforts to build a theme park in Virginia. I could elaborate on what else needs to be done to restore this impressive attraction to its original status, but thankfully Foxx at Passport to Dreams has already done it for me. Hopefully we’ll find out more about this long and hopefully significant rehab soon.

This brings us to the final attraction currently rumored to be destined for rehab – the Enchanted Tiki Room. Unlike the two previously mentioned show upgrades, this refurbishment currently resides only in the realm of rumor and hearsay. Yet multiple sources continue to say that, at some point before 2011, something will happen to the Tiki Room. This stands to reason; after all, aside from Journey into YOUR Imagination, The Enchanted Tiki Room: Under New Management! has to be the most reviled attraction overhaul in Walt Disney World history. Disney fans have bemoaned the attraction since it opened in 1998, and mostly tend to stay away these days. Meanwhile, in California, the original Tropical Serenade show was fully restored for Disneyland’s 50th anniversary and plays daily to happy and entertained guests. So what’s to happen in Orlando after Iago and Zazu get the boot?

LOUD = FUNNY

Here opinions differ; so far there seem to be two versions of the story. The first says that for Walt Disney World’s 40th anniversary the show will be returned to its original program for a short time while preparations are made for the installation of an entirely new show. The other version omits this return of the Tropical Serenade and says that WDI will just skip to the new attraction. Both versions agree on what this new show will be – after all, it’s already playing in Tokyo.

Earlier this year WDI debuted the third show to play in Japan’s Tiki Room, The Enchanted Tiki Room: Stitch Presents “Aloha e Komo Mai”. The new show, which is completely different from the original, adds Stitch to the mix and incorporates music from his film Lilo and Stitch. Rather than have me tell you about it, take a look below:

As a fan of the original Tiki Room, I have several thoughts about this. First, it’s not all that bad. It’s definitely a darn sight better than the current Under New Management show. The addition of Stitch makes far more sense thematically than Zazu and Iago, and the music from the film is a nice match as well. Hopefully the English script would be punched up a bit; in the version above there’s a bit too much “saying what’s happening” going on. The dialogue is a tad redundant as well, and needs a bit of that original Tiki Room charm. I’d also dial down the confusion and loudness factor, and let things play out a little bit more. The current version of the show is way too in-your-face; after all, isn’t the tiki lifestyle all about relaxation? Most importantly, though, is the cardinal importance of returning the original theme song. People going to the Tiki Room expect to hear The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room and should be able to get it without Gilbert Gottfried screaming or Stitch blowing an airhorn. Throw in the Hawaiian War Chant from the original show as well, and I’ll be a happy camper.

Note to management: Build time machine ASAP!

Again, this is all hearsay at the moment but hopefully some change is on the way to Adventureland. Sources say that the addition of the Stitch show depends on its success in Tokyo, but that seems assured. Less certain is the supply of money or willpower from management, but we can always hope. Hopefully the Tiki Gods will smile on us and come 2011 the birds will sing words and the flowers will croon once more.

Screamscape has pointed out that Walt Disney World’s website now lists the Country Bear Jamboree as scheduled for refurbishment from September 28th until October 31st. This is nothing but good news for fans of the bears, as the show has been a little – how shall we say it – rough around the edges lately? Threadbare? Decrepit? Unintelligible? To put it mildly, the show is in need of a massive audiovisual upgrade if only to render the lyrics of the songs discernible. Screamscape claims that the rehab will not be used to install the formerly annual Christmas show; this has been discontinued in recent years for cost-cutting reasons (and while you’re at it, why not send a note to WDW Guest Communications asking that they get their act together).

In any case, the bears are going to get a rehab of undisclosed scope and that’s always a good thing. If anyone out there knows the actual scope of the refurbishment, or whether the much-needed audio improvements will actually be made, let me know.