Progress City, U.S.A.

Way back in the day, before human ingenuity blessed us with the miracle of digital photography, you actually had to think before you took a picture. Why, in my day we couldn’t just cast around taking hundreds of pictures willy-nilly with our cameras and iPhones and hula-hoops and dungarees; we had to stop, analyze the situation, and make sure we were getting the best possible photo for our money. Yes, it’s true – we had to pay for every single picture we took, and every stray thumb in the lens or backlit silhouette of Aunt Debbie was hard-earned money down the drain. And often you wouldn’t know your pictures were terrible until weeks later when they came back from the photomat – stupid 70s people!

But thanks to former Disney sponsor GAF, those avocado loving, AMC Pacer driving victims of stagflation could pick up a few handy tips to maximize their film budget and keep the folks back home entertained. We’ve already talked about my favorite tip from this list, but there are many other wise words here – even for all you kids today from the digital generation!

“Outstanding pictures don’t just happen … they are planned.”

OK. Steady camera… watch the focus… thumb out of the way… Good to go. Thank heavens I have plenty of fresh tungsten film!

“Family pictures are important, but a few go a long way.”

Here, of course, we learn that it’s good to have your family recognizable in photos – but not too many. Also, we can see that they used to sell sweet his-and-hers child ponchos at the Magic Kingdom. Nothing said Disney in the 1970s more than mouse ears and a pink sarape, that’s for sure! Maybe they had been to the Pueblo Room at the Contemporary?

Also notice the lack of a canopy over the teacups.

GAF also kindly gave us some tips for home movies – pan slowly, zoom sparingly, and always wind your motor. All good advice, even today. I laughed out loud at the highlighted rule that a scene should last a minimum of five full seconds to be enjoyed and understood. Maybe I can slip this guide to the folks that make the mail-order Disney Parks promo videos or that produce the Christmas Parade – I think they’ve accidentally misread it as five picoseconds per edit. And NEVER ZOOM AND PAN AT THE SAME TIME! I’m sending that one to Michael Bay.

And it would take 100,000 flashbulbs to light Cinderella’s Castle at night, so don’t even try. Is it me, or is this guide a little snippy? “Fifteen different shots of the Cinderella Castle are fine for a ‘castle picture collection’” – what a burn! Stupid tourists with your memories!

So take these tips to heart, shutterbugs. And the next time you’re in the Kingdom don’t forget these valuable tips – or GAF will come to your house and mock you to your face!

In scanning some things from a 1974 GAF guide to Walt Disney World, I came across some excellent photography “tips” that I’ll share with you soon. One, though, I found far too hilarious to hold back; it’s so good that it deserves a post of its own. The pearl of wisdom that GAF chose to share with Disney guests? Some pictures don’t need the family!

Now, I’m not saying that I don’t agree with the sentiment. And yeah, it’d be much better to have that sweet picture of the Nautilus, especially since the polyester family of the future didn’t know that Michael Eisner was a big dumb stinky jerk and would come around in twenty years to ruin their happy little memories by putting their favorite attraction “under refurbishment” permanently. But couldn’t there have been a way to phrase this tip a little more… elegantly?

Somehow I can’t exactly see this tip making its way into official Disney material these days. Or a sentence like “Family pictures are important but a few go a long way”. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen a Disney-produced photograph of an actual attraction in the last 5 years. Everything’s a moppet through a fisheye lens and some kind of diffusion filter. Haven’t they heard? Some pictures don’t need the family!

Just remember – the next time you’re in the Magic Kingdom, ask the wife and kids to step to the side. A little more. Just a little more…

Brochure for Pioneer Hall, 1974

Since we’ve been hanging out at Fort Wilderness so much lately, it’s only right that I post this flier from 1974. Pioneer Hall had just opened as a dining venue for campground guests; as the flier mentions, it had breakfast, lunch and dinner buffets as well as a snack bar. Most importantly, though, it had the Hoop Dee Doo Musical Revue that debuted that same year.

Note that in this flier, the new show was still known as the “Pioneer Hall Show”. Also note – brace yourselves – that the price for an adult ticket was $11. $11! Holy smokes. I blame stagflation. And malaise.

D23 has an interesting article on the origins of the show; who knew so many Pioneer Hall vets went on to positions of prominence in the Disney company?

Seriously, how cool would this be?

Thanks to a tip by the paterfamilias, I was directed yesterday to a website devoted to the Fort Wilderness Railroad. This very cool site had somehow escaped my notice until now, and it has lots of fantastic images and history about this fairly undocumented attraction. The crown jewel of the site, however, is an amazing video from a ride on the railroad. I’ve never ever seen video of this attraction before – it closed in 1979, after all! – and this is an amazing and rare treat.

The Fort Wilderness Railroad, which operated from 1974 until 1979, provided internal transportation service for Walt Disney World’s Fort Wilderness campground. Its itinerary was similar to today’s bus service; it included stops at the Outpost and Settlement Depots and passed by the Meadow Trading Post. It also provided service to River Country upon that attraction’s opening in 1976. The 3 1/2 mile track loop was longer than any of the train routes in Disney parks, and it provided many scenic views for guests aboard the 4/5th scale steam engines.

I’ve always regarded the Fort Wilderness Railroad as a mere historical curiosity; it was gone well before my first trip to Walt Disney World and I’d never even heard of it until Disney fandom exploded on the internet. Looking at the pictures on the tribute site, however, really make me long for a return of this attraction. Fort Wilderness is the true hidden jewel of Walt Disney World, and the railroad would provide a definite touch of themeing that the internal bus routes lack. What’s odd is that much of the depot infrastructure was re-purposed after the railroad was closed, explaining many of the strange features of Fort Wilderness’s bus depots.

After the closing of the railroad, the tracks and rolling stock were allowed to rot in the Florida sun. Thankfully, those lucky folks at the Carolwood Foundation eventually stepped in to save and restore the trains. Faint traces of the railway remain around the campground for those who know where to look.

While it seems unlikely that the Fort Wilderness Railroad will ever return, there was a brief window in time during which it was poised for a revival. During the so-called “Disney Decade” of the 1990s, plans were underway for a new resort between the Wilderness Lodge and Fort Wilderness. Alternately called “Wilderness Junction” or “Buffalo Junction”, the hotel would be similar to Disneyland Paris’s Hotel Cheyenne. It would resemble the street of a western town in the late 19th century, providing a thematic link between the early frontier theme of Fort Wilderness and the early 20th century national park theme of the Wilderness Lodge. The hotel would combine lodging with dining venues, shops and entertainment; it would also allegedly feature a stateside version of Paris’s Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show.

A proposed layout for the Wilderness Lodge hotel; note the train loop to the south linking the hotel with Fort Wilderness

Most important to our tale was that in order to provide day visitors transportation to these new attractions and River Country, a return of the Fort Wilderness Railroad was discussed to link Fort Wilderness, Wilderness Junction and the Wilderness Lodge. Sadly, due to tourism concerns stemming from the first Gulf War and accompanying recession, the 600-room Wilderness Junction was postponed in late 1992. It was re-announced as “Buffalo Junction” in 1993, but never heard from again.

Someday, though, with some creative new leadership, it might be possible to once more hear the sound of live steam in Fort Wilderness and to take the train from the parking lot to the Hoop-Dee-Doo or a revitalized River Country. That would be nifty.