Progress City, U.S.A.

So, you’re watching C-SPAN, getting a taste of the NASA Information Technology Summit, and naturally there’s a presentation by Walt Disney Imagineering about the new Fantasyland project in Florida.

Naturally.

Jack Blitch, Vice President and General Manager of Walt Disney Imagineering – Florida, made an appearance at the NASA conference to discuss the use of technology in planning new attractions. Not to be snarky, but I think the old WED model shop in the 60s and 70s could have probably figured out when there was a stray girder poking out of the structure, but I digress.

Blitch’s demo is actually a pretty interesting look at how WDI operates in the modern age; since most of what we know of Imagineering comes from Walt’s days, via his televised walkthroughs of their workshops, it’s interesting to see how computers have changed the process. Around 1:10:00, Blitch shows some of the models of the new Little Mermaid attraction in Fantasyland (including that elusive fifth dimension of space/time – money!) and there’s even a brief VR walkthrough of the queue and part of the attraction. It’s an amazing little peek at what we have in store for the future.

Note that Blitch only mentions Mermaid, the “Be Our Guest” restaurant, and the dueling Dumbos as part of the expansion. This is indicative of a number of changes underway with the expansion plans, which we’ll discuss soon. Also note the irony that this Summit is taking place in National Harbor, Maryland – the site of Disney’s announced but currently MIA resort project.

Not to go too avant garde here, but isn’t this the sort of thing that maybe we could stand to see a little more of? Heaven knows that instead of soft-selling us the gauzy-lensed propaganda videos featuring heaps of magic, dreams, wishes, and princesses, Disney could regularly give us a look at the real magic like this. It might appeal to some fans, don’t you think?

Here’s a little something for you Hayley Mills fans – and I know you’re out there, too. This is from the Disney Channel in 1988, meant to promote the made-for-TV movie Parent Trap III.

“California Adventure! Stately home of Paul Pressler’s career! Price? No one should say!”

This was making the rounds on Twitter the other day, but it’s too good not to share here. This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time; in fact, I’m insanely jealous I didn’t make it myself. When I first saw the link to the video I thought it was an amazing idea but prepared myself for disappointment – after all, the faux newsreel is a concept that’s very often done poorly. But this is aces, from the production values to the content.

So well done brave filmmakers! Excelsior!

From the Disney Channel, in 1988:

It’s hard to believe that 1988 was the last time the Disney company publicly celebrated Mickey’s birthday – in this case, his 60th. Back in the 1980s and early 1990s, Disney park celebrations were often centered on specific anniversaries or events. In 1981 it was Walt Disney World’s “Tencennial”. In 1984 it was Donald Duck’s 50th birthday. Walt Disney World celebrated its 15th birthday in 1986, and 1987 marked the bicentennial of the United States Constitution. This approach gave the celebrations the feel of a real “event,” and the result was that they were far more distinctive than today’s “Celebrate Dreams”, “Celebrate Wishes”, and “Celebrate Celebrations” approach.

Despite this clip’s justification for the “Happy Birthday from Across the USA” theme of Mickey’s birthday parade, the actual reason for the theme was that it allowed for the re-purposing of 1987’s “All-American Parade.” Not that I can blame the company; this was a massive and lengthy parade with many elaborate floats and set pieces and it was re-used several times in the late 1980s.

Of course, the other in-park recognition of Mickey’s 60th was the all-new Mickey’s Birthdayland, a “temporary” attraction that would eventually turn into today’s Mickey’s Toontown Fair.

The 1970s were a strange time. Much of the entertainment produced in that decade seems to have been created by aliens masquerading as humans; everything seems vaguely familiar, but enough small details are off just enough that the cumulative effect is decidedly creepy. So it is with this piece of video, Lady and the Tramp: A Lesson in Sharing Attention. The odd thing is that I found this by accident on a videotape full of recordings from the Disney Channel in 1988 – it was used as interstitial filler between programs. The Disney Channel didn’t interrupt their programming for commercials in those days, so if a film ran short the rest of its time slot would be filled with ads for other Disney Channel programming or various materials pulled from the company vaults. This was, of course, the era when the Disney Channel aired actual Disney-related material – this featurette was aired before a showing of The Reluctant Dragon – but I can’t imagine what inspired someone at the Channel to dig this deep into their archives.

It would be difficult for me to enumerate everything I find amusing or bizarre about this, so best to just watch it yourself. Note that it takes place in the familiar confines of Disney’s hallowed Golden Oak Ranch in California.

One hallmark of the alien-controlled media of the 1970s is that adults take freakishly inappropriate delight in “whimsical” things that are in actuality devoid of whimsy. Things like a child whirling around with a Peter Pan marionette, joylessly exhorting him to do Peter Pan-esque things. Simply put, did children of the 1970s actually enjoy playing alone in the wilderness by torturing marionettes, and did crusty but lovable neighbors enjoy standing there watching?

In the end, my absolute favorite thing about this film is the end credits, where the filmmakers go out of their way to label “Uncle Phil” as a “Friend and Neighbor.” Because, you know, it’s best to clear those things up if you’re trying to sell your film in certain markets. This begs many questions. Was Uncle Phil made a friend and neighbor in post-production? When Disney tried to sell the film to the Texas School Board? If they thought it important to make Uncle Phil not an actual uncle, then why call him Uncle Phil in the first place? Just make him Neighbor Bob or Reverend Steve or Councilman Lester. Why introduce the confusion caused by the Uncle Phil moniker in the first place?

It was this kind of mistake that led to the aliens tipping their hand and exposing themselves in 1977, leading to our liberation via the Star Wars; this, in turn, led to the eponymous film which you thought was fiction but which is actually a fairly accurate documentary. And that’s why kids don’t play with marionettes anymore.

Any questions?

Update: Whoa! Check out auteur Uncle Phil’s resume…