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Experimental Prototype Callgirls Of Tomorrow

“So,” my millions of fans have asked, “now that you occasionally write for the D23 website will you give up on Progress City?” The answer, of course, is certainly not – the only thing keeping me from writing for Progress City is sheer laziness. But aside from that, there’s plenty that I need to write about that could never appear in any reputable outlet. For one thing, there’s the super intensely nerdy types of stories, that no mass audience would ever care about. And then, of course, there are stories like this – stories about hookers.

As the eyes of the nation turned towards Orlando in October of 1982 for the grand opening of EPCOT Center, they witnessed the arrival of a new theme park based – quite proudly and vocally – on the American free enterprise system. So closely was EPCOT’s development tied to some of the world’s largest corporations, that I’m pretty sure Card Walker would mumble “free enterprise” in his sleep; he would certainly bring it up at the drop of a hat.

“Free enterprise” was critical for EPCOT’s completion, because it was such a large and expensive project; the Disney of 1982 certainly couldn’t fund it on their own, and corporate participants were necessary to underwrite the massive pavilions. This meant nearly a decade of wining and dining doughy rich old white guys with endless steak dinners and pitchers of cocktails; it meant endless private jet flights and limo rides to corporate headquarters, with dinner, drinks, and a show afterwards. And it meant that when the park opened, all these doughy rich old white guys headed down to Orlando to see what their millions had bought, and to check out their new corporate VIP lounges. And this is where the hookers come in!

epcot_draws_prostitutes_sm

Free enterprise, after all.

Props to MBI Sgt. Richard Klawe (seriously?) for saying the prostitutes were coming down to “commemorate the opening of Epcot.” Even prostitutes were excited for the 21st century to begin! Surely this was the sauciest thing to happen in central Florida since the Lake Buena Vista key party pandemic of ’76.

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